How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
