I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
