You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
