We're like a lot better than the average bears
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize