Where did you get a picture of my penis
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
should my penis look like a turkey
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
