# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
