I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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