we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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