she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
