wrigley field is MILF paradise
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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