Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
