I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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