Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
