why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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