I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
