I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
