There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
