Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
