He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize