He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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