last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
