***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
