"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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