That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
