Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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