dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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