please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
