why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
MIDGETS
????
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
