am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i drank out of a bidet.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
