She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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