you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
