she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
