i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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