I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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