We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
