I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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