Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
