I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
