How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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