i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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