Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
