my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
