Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
