My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
