Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
