omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize