My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
