I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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