Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just cropdusted the office
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
