Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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