I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
