it hurts more in the daytime
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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