he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
