i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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