I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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