I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
