And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
