I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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