his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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