I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
