Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
