You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
