Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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