You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
