put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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