My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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