I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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