I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
