you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
