me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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