The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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