I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
