It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
