I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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