i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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