Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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