Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i permit you to call me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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