New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize