there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
