Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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