This is not my ceiling
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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