and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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