so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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