Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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