hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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