Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
wanna go halves on a baby?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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