Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
