I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
