Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
