Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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