the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
